Trust is sacred. It is the invisible thread that binds relationships, friendships and partnerships. Yet, sometimes we give it to the wrong people - not out of foolishness, but out of hope, love and the human desire to belong.
I once thought that by keeping only a very small circle of people close - those I trusted with my truth - I was protecting myself from the drama I knew I didn’t need. But what I later learned is that size is not always the safeguard. Even in small circles, misplaced trust can lead to disappointment, betrayal and heartbreak.
Overlooking the Signs
I tended to keep close those who consistently behaved in caring ways. Yet I overlooked other major warning signs: individuals who did not celebrate my wins sincerely, but appeared quickly in moments of struggle - cold, distant, as if only to witness me stumble.
Meanwhile, I celebrated their joys as if they were my own, regardless of what I was going through. I cried with their pains and cheered for their victories wholeheartedly. Eventually, I realised it was selfish of me to expect the same from them. I dismissed their showing of themselves, which was, in truth, a grave injustice on my part for not fully appreciating who they were outside of my own expectations.
Asking the Hard Questions
Most recently, I began asking myself:
- Why was I so attached to the version of people I wanted them to be, rather than the reality of my experience of them?
- Was I afraid to form new bonds in case they also didn’t last?
- Was I over-sharing because I feared being alone with my own truths?
These questions led me to a painful but liberating realisation: the root cause was a lack of trust in myself. I had become addicted to seeking validation in others’ responses to me.
Choosing to Detach
What changed everything was learning to detach and trusting that I am enough - with or without external validation. This shift allowed me to:
- View others more fully and truthfully, without forcing expectations on them.
- Release the pressure to share every part of myself and instead keep sacred spaces within me, for me.
- Accept that not everyone closest to me has my best intentions at heart - and they don’t have to. That is my responsibility to hold for myself.
The more I trusted myself, the more the dynamics of my circle shifted. What I gained was an unwavering, grounded sense of self-worth that no longer needed external validation. It has served me particularly well in times of injustice, where speaking up for myself became an act of self-preservation and healing.
An Invitation to You
If you have ever felt the sting of misplaced trust, know that the lesson is not to close your heart, but to refine your boundaries. Trust is not about the size of your circle - it is about how deeply you trust yourself to discern and to protect your peace.
🌿 Through Restore Your Mind and Find Peace coaching, I guide individuals to rebuild self-trust, release unhealthy attachments, and create intentional spaces of safety within themselves. Book a session today and begin your journey toward healthier, more grounded relationships.