Anyone who knows me knows how deeply I value supporting Black-owned businesses - especially those led by women. I believe in circulating money within this community and uplifting each other’s credible enterprises wherever possible.
So when I found myself in desperate need of legal support in December 2022, I was determined to work with a Black female attorney. At the time, I was financially vulnerable, emotionally overwhelmed and searching online for help. Many firms were closed for the holiday season, but one young attorney with an impressive online presence responded to my enquiry. Out of urgency and trust, I formalised a working relationship with her.
What followed was one of the most detrimental professional experiences of my life - and a series of hard-earned lessons.
The First Impressions
Our initial consultation left me both shaken and relieved. After sharing the events in my marriage, she told me plainly: “You are undoubtedly being financially abused.” Until then, I hadn’t had the language to name it. She also advised me to leave the marital home immediately for my safety. While I resisted at first, a traumatic event soon made that decision for me - and on 12 December 2022, I left for my mother’s home and never looked back.
At that stage, I entrusted my attorney with everything, asking her to shield me from triggers while I focused on healing.
The Shift
For a time, she did. But as I began to visibly regain stability and rebuild my professional life, I noticed a pattern: every time I travelled for work, especially internationally, she would deliver triggering updates that left me spiralling far from home, unsupported.
Despite supplying her with all documentation and evidence, little tangible progress was made on my case for months. Excuses and jargon became her norm. Worse still, she began speaking about a former friend of mine - irrelevant to my divorce and a violation of professional boundaries.
A Breach of Integrity
Late into the process, I discovered that she had a personal relationship with my ex-husband’s then 'side-chick'. When I queried this, she initially denied it, later attempting to justify it as her way of “keeping tabs” for me. Not only did this information never amount to anything useful in her handling of my case, but it also confirmed to me a deep breach of trust and professionalism.
An attorney’s loyalty must be to their client, not to divided interests. Integrity cannot be compromised without damaging both the client’s case and the attorney’s own reputation.
Crossing the Line
The most alarming breach came when I discovered she had discussed identifiable details of my case at a public platform of female attorneys, later circulated on social media. Although my name was not used, the timing and context made it unmistakably about me.
By then, my confidence in her had eroded completely. On the advice of my family and then-partner, I sought out a far more established law firm. They concluded my case in under six months - compared to nearly two years of stalling under her representation. In the process, they found gaps and missing files from my handover, despite my organised documentation.
Lessons Learned
This painful journey taught me valuable truths about engaging legal services, especially during vulnerable times:
- Build relationships early. Don’t wait until crisis hits. Identify and consult potential legal representatives long before you need them, so your decision is logical, not purely emotional.
- Vet beyond appearances. A strong online brand or “viral” visibility is not proof of competence. Experience, confidentiality and professionalism matter far more than optics.
- Watch for red flags. Attorneys who casually share others’ information, delay without explanation or use excessive jargon to mask inaction are not safeguarding your interests.
- Integrity is non-negotiable. Conflicted loyalties, divided interests, or relationships that compromise professional judgement are a major red flag. Your attorney should never be entangled with the opposing side in any way.
- Beware of unnecessary court pushes. Sometimes, the best legal advice involves resolution outside of court. Be cautious of strategies that appear designed to benefit your attorney financially more than your wellbeing.
- Protect your dignity. You always have the right to walk away from an arrangement that does not serve your case or peace of mind - no matter how much authority they project.
A Message to Legal Professionals
Attorneys, too, must practice discernment. If a case feels overwhelming, it is better to decline than to take on a client and mishandle their trust. Professionalism and integrity require honesty on both sides.
An Invitation to You
To anyone preparing for divorce or legal battles: protect yourself. Guard your dignity. And most importantly, do not enter such critical processes solely in vulnerability and trust. Empower yourself with knowledge, ask hard questions and remember that your peace is not negotiable.
🌿 If you are navigating divorce or another major life transition, my Restore Your Mind and Find Peace coaching sessions offer the emotional clarity and grounding tools you need alongside your legal process. While an attorney manages the law, I help you manage your heart, mind, and wellbeing.