Healthy relationships are not something we are all automatically taught - many of us learn them the hard way, after enduring dynamics that break us down rather than build us up.
Of the handful of romantic relationships I have had, only my very first was truly healthy. The rest were marked by toxicity that had been normalised in ways I did not recognise at the time. This post is inspired by the work I have had to do to re-learn what healthy connection actually looks like - in romance, friendships and even professional spaces.
What Healthy Relationships Are Not
Through painful experience, I learned that relationships built on manipulation, dishonesty, control or emotional neglect cannot sustain growth. They may look polished on the outside, but they corrode from within. Normalising such dynamics taught me to dismiss my own needs, silence my intuition and mistake survival for love.
What Healthy Relationships Look Like
Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, share certain foundations:
- Respect: Boundaries are honoured, voices are heard and differences are valued.
- Trust: Reliability replaces suspicion; honesty forms the backbone of connection.
- Consistency: Love and care are steady, not conditional or unpredictable.
- Reciprocity: Energy flows both ways, with each person giving and receiving.
- Safety: You feel safe to be yourself without fear of manipulation, judgment or retaliation.
- Growth: Healthy relationships create space for mutual evolution, not competition or sabotage.
Re-Learning What I Deserve
Realising that my first relationship was the only one rooted in health was sobering, but it also became the catalyst for transformation. It reminded me that I had experienced love and respect before and therefore I could recognise it again.
The challenge was not that healthy relationships didn’t exist - it was that I had to raise my standards, honour my boundaries and choose differently.
An Invitation to You
If you, too, have normalised toxic dynamics, know this: healing is possible. You can re-learn what healthy relationships look like. You can retrain your heart and mind to recognise red flags and embrace the green ones.
Healthy relationships are not perfect, but they are nurturing. They do not demand you shrink yourself - they support you in growing into your fullest self.