Life transitions often require courage, privacy and discernment. Yet the choice to move quietly, especially during moments of deep change, can be misunderstood. I know this firsthand from my own divorce journey.
My Story: Rebuilding in Silence
When I chose to leave my marriage, I did so with discretion. I kept my healing process private - not because I had something to hide, but because I needed space to breathe, reflect and rebuild without external noise.
To the outside world, I appeared to be moving on “too well.” My peers could not reconcile my quiet strength with the narrative of a broken marriage. Whispers and suspicions filled the silence: Was she unfaithful? Did she leave because she found someone else?
The painful reality I had endured - severe, life-threatening struggles I carried silently - was reduced to gossip. And in that silence, I became a scapegoat for the failure of a union I had once honoured with everything I had.
The Benefits of Mystery
Moving in silence had profound benefits for me:
- Protection: Privacy shielded me from exposing raw wounds to those unable to hold them tenderly.
- Clarity: It gave me space to process my pain without interference or judgment.
- Strength: It allowed me to take back my power and rebuild at my own pace.
- Focus: By withholding explanations, I could invest my energy in healing, not defending.
Mystery, when used wisely, is not deception - it is discernment.
The Dangers of Mystery
Yet mystery comes with risks. When you choose silence, others may fill the gaps with their own stories:
- Assumptions of betrayal or dishonesty.
- Narratives that paint you as the villain.
- Gossip that invalidates the depth of your unseen pain.
This is the danger of discretion: while it protects you, it also leaves space for others’ ignorance to grow louder than your truth.
Navigating Discretion With Wisdom
So how do you navigate mystery in a healthy way during a major life transition?
- Anchor your why: Know why you are choosing discretion. If it is for your healing, let that reason sustain you.
- Expect projections: Understand that people will project their own fears and biases onto your silence.
- Protect your energy: Don’t rush to correct every false narrative - not every story needs your defence.
- Confide selectively: Choose a trusted circle who can hold your truth with compassion.
- Lead with integrity: Even when misunderstood, let your life be the evidence of your authenticity.
An Invitation to You
If you are navigating a major life transition, remember: you are not required to make your pain public for it to be valid. Your discretion is not dishonesty. Your silence is not guilt.
The most important thing is that you are healing. And with time, your wholeness will speak louder than any false story ever could.