Conflict is a natural part of human relationships - but how we navigate it determines whether it becomes destructive or transformative. Over time, I’ve learned that not every conflict deserves my attention.
Shared Values: The Foundation
The first thing I ask myself is whether the conflict stems from shared values. If we do not hold the same values, resolving the issue may not be worth the effort. But if we do, I am willing to engage with the intention of resolution, not victory.
Respect, Dignity, and Integrity
For me, the guiding principles in conflict are respect, dignity and integrity. I make an effort to see things from the other person’s perspective, not because I must agree, but because mutual understanding is essential for resolution.
If these principles are absent, I am less inclined to pursue resolution. In such cases, detachment is often the healthiest choice.
Professional Conflict
In professional settings, I only actively pursue conflict resolution when my integrity or character is under attack - particularly through malicious falsehoods and harrassment regarding my work. In those moments, I address the parties directly. I do this to diffuse discredit, to mirror their actions back to them and to protect both my credibility and peace.
Healthy Strategies for All Settings
Over time, I’ve also found that healthy conflict navigation benefits from:
- Addressing issues early before resentment builds.
- Separating behaviour from identity, focusing on what was done, not who someone is.
- Asking clarifying questions to replace assumption with understanding.
- Deciding the outcome you want before engaging - reconciliation, clarity or closure.
An Invitation to You
Conflict does not have to strip us of our dignity. When navigated with values, respect and integrity, it can even strengthen relationships. And when it cannot, detachment may be the healthiest resolution of all.