In conversations about healing, two terms come up often: empath and narcissist. These roles are frequently described as opposites, yet in truth, they are part of a spectrum we all carry within us. Understanding the distinction, the dynamic and the healthy ways to navigate them is vital for our wellbeing.
What Is an Empath?
An empath is someone deeply attuned to the emotions of others. They feel beyond the surface, often absorbing the moods and pain of those around them. Their gifts are sensitivity, compassion and intuition. However, without boundaries, empaths may lose themselves in the needs of others.
Signs you may be an empath:
- Feeling drained after social interactions.
- Absorbing others’ emotions as if they were your own.
- A strong desire to help, even at personal cost.
- Difficulty saying “no” without guilt.
What Is a Narcissist?
A narcissist is often portrayed negatively, but at its root, narcissism is an excessive focus on self - a survival strategy that prioritises personal needs above all else. While empathy leans outward, narcissism leans inward.
Signs of unhealthy narcissism in others:
- A need for admiration and control.
- Dismissing or invalidating others’ feelings.
- Exploiting relationships for personal gain.
- Struggling to take accountability.
The Empath-Narcissist Dynamic
This dynamic often becomes toxic when the empath gives endlessly and the narcissist takes endlessly. The empath may feel seen at first - admired for their compassion - but over time, they become drained, used and silenced.
How to recognise if you are in this cycle:
- You feel unappreciated no matter how much you give.
- Your needs are dismissed or minimised.
- You feel guilty for wanting boundaries.
- The relationship feels one-sided, with you doing the emotional labour.
Navigating the Dynamic
If you recognise yourself in this pattern, healing requires balance:
- For empaths: Build strong boundaries, learn to say no and redirect compassion inward.
- For those facing narcissistic traits in others: Limit your exposure, insist on accountability and prioritise your safety.
- For everyone: Remember that empathy without limits leads to depletion, while self-focus without care for others leads to harm.
The Truth: We All Carry Both
We each carry empathic and narcissistic traits. At times, we need to lean into empathy to connect and nurture. At other times, we need healthy self-focus (what some might call “positive narcissism”) to protect our wellbeing and pursue our goals.
The key is intention: are we using these traits to build wellness or to cause harm?
An Invitation to You
I encourage you to reflect on your own balance. Where might you be over-giving at the expense of your peace? Where might you need to soften self-focus with compassion?
Honouring both sides - the empathy that connects and the self-focus that protects - is how we step out of toxic dynamics and into healthier, more balanced ways of being.