One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is how to hold compassion for those who act out of envy and jealousy. It can be deeply painful to experience the vengeance of others who project their insecurities onto you - not because of who you are, but because of who they believe you are compared to them.
When Envy Turns Personal
I have experienced this first-hand in relationships - friendships, work spaces and within family. In one instance, someone who had brief but close proximity to me aggressively tarnished my reputation behind my back, using that access as leverage to lie, deflect and cover their own flaws. They even went so far as to interfere in almost every relationship I was in - whether work or personal - seemingly to find satisfaction in seeing me “lose” at something they felt threatened by.
It was devastating, not because of the lies themselves, but because of the misplaced energy - the deliberate attempts to harm rather than confront their own pain.
Envy vs. Jealousy: Understanding the Difference
Though often used interchangeably, envy and jealousy carry different weights:
- Envy is the feeling of discontent or resentment toward someone who has something you desire. It looks at another’s life and says, “I want that.”
- Jealousy arises from the fear of losing something you already have - whether love, status, or security - to someone else. It looks at others and says, “You’re taking what’s mine.”
Both can lead to destructive behaviour when left unchecked, but both are also rooted in fear and a lack of self-worth. Recognising the difference has helped me see that when people act out of envy or jealousy, it is not a reflection of my shortcomings, but of their unhealed wounds.
The Spirit of Victimhood
Envy and jealousy often grow stronger in a mindset of victimhood. When someone is trapped there, your progress feels like their loss and your light feels like their shadow. Instead of choosing growth, they choose to lash out.
But at the heart of it, envy and jealousy are not about you. They are mirrors of what others have not yet resolved within themselves.
Responding with Compassion, Not Concession
For a long time, I internalised these actions and asked myself what I had done to deserve such hostility. Over time, I realised that I did not need to carry the weight of someone else’s victimhood.
Compassion does not mean tolerating mistreatment. It means recognising that their actions come from pain, while refusing to compromise your peace. It is the balance of empathy and boundaries - seeing their struggle without letting it poison your spirit.
The Gift of Perspective
Those who envy or act with jealousy may never admit it, but their reactions are often a cry for help. They long for the freedom, joy or resilience they see in you. But until they release victimhood, they cannot access it.
The blessing in facing envy and jealousy is that it teaches you perspective: to separate who you are from how others project onto you and, to keep walking in your truth regardless.
An Invitation to You
If you have ever been on the receiving end of envy or jealousy - whether in friendship, family or professional spaces - I want to remind you: you are not responsible for how others perceive your life. You are the only true owner of your life's narrative and you have a right to speak up for yourself not for public favour, but personal victory.
Stand firm in your authenticity. Protect your peace and when you can, choose compassion over bitterness - not for them, but for yourself. Because compassion frees you from carrying their wounds as your own.