For most of my life, I found myself attracting dysfunctional dynamics - in friendships, family, professional spaces and romantic relationships. It wasn’t until 2023, as part of my healing journey, that I finally identified the cycle.
It was a sobering reality: I wasn’t only attracting dysfunction in the form of narcissism, I was also consuming it and, in subtle ways, becoming shaped by it. This pattern had followed me through countless life transitions - from student to professional, single to married and later into entrepreneurship. Each season brought a different “packaging” of the same behaviours and even though I could see the similarities, I naively thought I was better equipped to handle them.
The truth? I wasn’t breaking the cycle. I was surviving it.
Recognising the Repetition
I had become good at walking away from dysfunctional spaces - yet the same dynamics kept reappearing. I told myself I was wiser, stronger and more prepared. But when I looked closely, I realised it always took the worst of the worst happening to me before I detached. That constant pattern left behind a residue of self-doubt that kept me trapped.
Facing the Root Cause
The turning point came when I confronted the root: a wounded sense of self-worth. Years of layered narcissistic abuse had created blockages within me that made me an easy target for narcissists of every kind.
This wasn’t about blaming myself. It was about understanding that unhealed wounds attract people who know, consciously or unconsciously, how to exploit them.
What I’ve Learned
Breaking the cycle has been less about changing others and more about re-learning how to honour myself:
- Kindness, respect, dignity and love are not earned. I am always deserving of them, just as I freely give them.
- I am responsible for honouring these truths within myself first. If a space does not reflect them back, I can choose to remove myself.
- Boundaries are a gift. They allow me to engage without attacking, while preserving my dignity and peace.
- Strength is not measured by how much pain I can endure. Ease is not indulgence; it is medicine. I am as deserving of ease as I am of resilience.
Every time I set a healthy boundary or remove myself from a toxic space, I am amazed at how empowering it feels. It is a new skill - one I am still practicing - but it is transforming how I see myself and what I allow into my life.
An Invitation to You
If you find yourself repeating painful dynamics, know this: you don’t have to attach yourself to pain as proof of your strength. You are worthy of ease, safety and joy.
🌿 Through Restore Your Mind and Find Peace coaching, I help individuals break toxic cycles, rebuild self-worth and create relationships rooted in respect and alignment. May you always choose the spaces that honour you.